He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
