and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
