i dedicated my morning wood to you.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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