so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
