the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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