omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
