I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
