drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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