love how google fills in search terms for you, today for example, i ran a query for "why do girls get t"
and google finished it w/ "ramp stamps."
I felt less weird knowing others had searched this before me.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
