i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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