He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
Pants are for mortals
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
