my soul wont recognize me after tonight
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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