The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
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