He is an equal opportunity slut.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
