end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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