some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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