he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
we're making bets on your personal life
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
