I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
