I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
