idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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