I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
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