I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
I didn't notice because vodka
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
