I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
