I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
