Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Randomize
