so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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