Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
