You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
