you're drinking in the law library????
...not a bad idea....
probably not a good idea either.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
