Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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