they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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