You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
