we have pet lesbian snakes
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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