how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
