found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
