Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
