Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
