It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
