If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Randomize