If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
