The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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