So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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