I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
