So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
