I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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