I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
