is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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