He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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