oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
