I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
