They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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