remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
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