Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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