So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
