I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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